Dear first & former boyfriend of mine

(Play this soundtrack while reading.) To my first & former boyfriend...my first mutual love: This was me when I found out that you cheated on me multiples of times behind my back. Yeah, remember that night when I went onto your PC, you FREAKED OUT—even though you tried to repress your fear, I could sense it. I had a feeling something was up...oftentimes my intuition does not lie.

We went downstairs into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I asked you whether or not you were recently watching porn (this incident happened before I became anti-porn). With a smile on your face, you said "no". So I asked you again, with that same nervous smile, you said no and that you haven't watched porn recently. Not being able to trust that smile and nervousness, I quickly ran upstairs into your bedroom to get onto your computer and reveal your lies; you quickly chased after me and fought your way onto the computer. So I demanded you to show me your internet history to prove that you weren't lying to me. You were hesitant, but decided to show me. So there you have it, you did recently watch porn behind my back...and twice LIED to my face that you didn't. I fell backwards onto your bed with hands covering my face...from shock & because all of the sudden tears streamed down my eyes. Normally I don't cry in front of others but it hurt so much that it did. Why did it hurt so much? You told me that you only have eyes for me and no other woman. You told me that you wouldn't be sexually attracted to another female. You told me that you're fully monogamous. You called me a goddess. You said I'm perfect for you in all ways. You said you would never hurt me. But those were all lies. If you weren't sexually attracted to those female bodies or body parts, you wouldn't have watched and masturbated to them. This image I had that you were truly innocent and a good boyfriend...all shattered. My faith in love, shattered. Sometime after that, I asked you if that female in the porno video was obese, overweight, or black (your turn offs), would you still watch it? You said no. So there you have it, because you were able to sexually get off to those bodies or body parts, it meant that you were sexually attracted to them. If you truly loved me, you would have been turned off from viewing those bodies or body parts because you know what you were doing is wrong yet you didn't stop. Damn right if you didn't do wrong, you definitely wouldn't have freaked out nor lied to me on this. Despite having me, you viewed porn of other females and in your own words "countless of times", even after showing you the kind and soft side of me—even after allowing you to go beyond my own boundaries, was I really not enough for you? It's been over a year now since we last socially interacted face-to-face. The pain you brought upon me CANNOT be repaired. It CANNOT be undone. Even time cannot heal away the scars. The pain is still raw, and hasn't been reduced. It continually eats me alive because I (someone who never easily trusts in the first place—someone who's often considered "smart" and "wise") not only trusted you, I also loved you...but you never loved me, at least not as much as I loved you. The anger and bitterness I carry deep within me to this day—and my fight against pornography, is a measurement of how much I loved you. You were my first mutual love. I broke down walls for you. Took away what was precious of mine and can never be regained. And that cannot be undone. I loved you more than I ever loved myself. I loved you a whole lot. And that once pure, innocent, sweet partner you were BEFORE porn poisoned your morality and standards—BEFORE you decided to get into hook up culture, is forever buried deep within my heart. ... (Switch to this soundtrack) But you know what? What's done is done. Time can't be rewind. I will get my retribution one day. Hahah, love is bittersweet ain't it? And as I'm about to finish typing all this, "the rain still pours from the clouds". Despite all the pains you caused me, even then, I still love you.

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To everyone else: http://lokiox.wixsite.com/cynthelestium/single-post/2016/12/10/How-To-Spot-a-Porn-User