My Dream Guy (Feel Free to Laugh)

His theme song: Story of The Year – Until the Day I die

My dream guy is my IDEAL guy. He goes by the nicknames: Mr. Derp, Mr. Gigglesworth, puppy, raccoon, baba, booboo (LOL), etc… He doesn’t watch porn. He’s pretty straightedge… Doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t get drunk. Doesn’t do other drugs. I’m not expecting him to be perfect, because that isn’t possible in this world. He fights against porn by my side. His courage and intelligence are sharp like Ben Shapiro. He is fully devoted towards me as I would be fully devoted towards him. Meaning both his romantic and sexual gaze are only reserved for me. He doesn’t drop F-bombs either, at least not constantly, and not around children. He is one of the most innocent and moral guys you would ever meet. He is about 5”11 to 6”6 [Because I’m short AF and would like to give birth to average/tall height sons. He would make my life easier…reaching for things on high shelves and such. And for other reasons.] He is 16-25 years old [Note: At this time I’m 22. I wouldn’t have sexual intercourse with any boy younger than 19 years old. That’s just wrong imo.] His heart is pure like a child’s yet his mind is as wise as a hermit. His personality is cute, innocent, child—like Chris O'Flyng. yet his maturity is that of a real man. And he has his life together so no one has to babysit him. We would make a great team. Perfect as one. I don’t know what his accent would be like, yet his voice sounds sweet and soothing to listen to. He would make a great singer, that’s for sure. He can even play a musical instrument, or two, or more. He has a cute and boyish laugh, quite addictive to listen to really. As for his scent, it’s like an inhalant drug. He may be a little shy at first, but eventually he will strip down in front of me,

revealing every essence of his true emotions and soul. He wears his heart on his sleeves, yet knows how to manage his emotions whenever appropriate. Such as myself, he has a bit of a rebellious streak for all the right reasons. Towards me he is soft, sweet, nurturing… the type of affection I never really get from my own family, the type of affection my life is lacking of. He has a little bit of a wild and whimsical side too, just like me. He can be a little frisky…sensual at times, but that is reserved only for me. He respects my boundaries though as I would also respect his. He’s not afraid to try new things, as long as it’s not completely foolish.

He’s spiritually open-minded. Every time I hear his voice,

Every time I’m in his arms, It feels like home. He enjoys giving a lot of cuddles, huggies, and kisses. He may or may not be rich but he sure has a lot of ambition. He lives within close proximity, or maybe not but at least he can always afford to visit me. And someday soon we will exchange vows, and live together. Forever. He treats the elderly well. His love is Christ-like. He loves me unconditionally. He is my role model for patience, for patience is a virtue. He can handle me at my worst, and be rewarded by my best. He would always stay by my side, no matter what, no matter what. He’s like heaven…truly. My prince. My knight. My savior. My teammate. My archangel. My demigod. My other half. So…is that too much to ask for? Or does my dream guy not exist? Yet I want him to.

And so a little part of me believes he does. Mr. Derp, I wonder how’s life going for you. I wonder what you’re up to these days. Don’t keep me waiting for too long, please. It hurts. Until then, we will meet someday. I hope. —Empress Cynthelestia