How to be a Gentleman (Tips from a real gentleman!)
- James H. Moen
- Jan 3, 2017
- 8 min read
Here a few things I would recommend in terms of teaching or reminding a boy or man on HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN!
A good man understands that a goal for him in life is to acquire and maintain the status of a GENTLEMAN, a man who honors and respects women regardless of his own circumstances. A gentleman is kind and respectful to all females, regardless of whether he likes them or not or whether they like him or not. A gentleman is mindful of his words and actions. He knows how to associate and flirt appropriately. He understands there are lines you do not cross. It is good to remind himself of this over and over again.
A gentleman always puts the interests, feelings, and happiness of his wife or girlfriend before his own. He needs to take her safety, comfort, and happiness very seriously and would never do anything to jeopardize these things. If he wants a good relationship then these things need to always be a high priority!
A gentleman is always concerned with his girlfriend’s/wife’s comfort. He would never do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable! He is very protective of his wife/girlfriend. He will do his best to make sure she is not disrespected by other people and will become aggressive if and when he sees it happening. He may even teach her the importance of self-defence and some ideas on how to verbally and even physically defend herself if and when the time comes.
A gentleman always maintains self-control! When he hangs out with females he need to keep his hands to himself! If he starts to get romantic with a young woman he needs to hold her hand, NOT SOMETHING ELSE! He also needs to watch his language! A gentleman does not use harsh/vulgar language even if his friends or peers do so. A gentleman also exercises self-control when it comes to his money.
A gentleman does not abuse drugs or alcohol. Too much pain and problems have been caused in the world because of these things. A gentleman understands this and will avoid them and not associate too closely with those who do!
A gentleman is always kind, friendly, patient, helpful, forgiving, and considerate. He is courteous, clean, and courageous. He is quick to understand and slow to judge. A gentleman will open car and building doors for a lady when she is with him or close by. He will lend a coat or sweater when he sees that she is cold. He will lend her his arm in formal social gatherings, in busy public settings, or when walking surfaces may be potentially dangerous. He will never tease, suppress, or oppress but rather stand up to those who do so.
A gentleman understands and recognizes the evils and dangers of pornography. Even if he is imperfect he will try hard to avoid it because he understands it is a mechanism of seduction, deception, and misguidance. He understands it is a false and negative perception of women and sex. He will always be mindful and careful where his eyes go, not just online but also in public places. Pornography is sweeping over the world like a plague and it is just as destructive for it destroys individuals, relationships, marriages, and families. A gentleman will do whatever it takes to help keep his marriage and family healthy and strong.
A gentleman will honor his elders including senior citizens. He must also honor his mother and father. He will listen and value any advice they give him.
A gentleman who is unmarried will keep his “make out sessions” with his female brief. He will appreciate being affectionate and will love to hug and kiss and cuddle with his lady….but too much kissing can become overly passionate and therefore is not appropriate. Other forms of affection from a gentleman can and should include kissing on the cheek, the forehead, or on top of the hand or knuckles.
Here is the real test! A gentleman who is not married will turn down sex if and when an opportunity to have it arises. If a girl or woman wants or agrees to be with him he will gently push her away. He will say that he is flattered, then kiss her one more time, and then walk away. A gentleman will treat her with RESPECT and not like a piece of meat. His focus should be to get inside her heart…..not her pants. Some will have different opinions/beliefs as to pre-marital sex but I believe a gentleman, a true gentleman will wait until he is married to hit the home run. He will tell his lady that she means the world to him and there is nothing more he would want than to be with her….but he will still push her away due to his high respect. He will wait. This also includes the use of contraceptives. A gentleman will not have sex until he is ready and willing to accept the responsibilities in case the contraceptives were misused or didn’t work!
A gentleman will recognize his woman’s love language. For many women it is gift-giving. Women love gifts and so he will keep this in mind and try to give her things (even if they are small) to constantly remind her that she is special, valued, and very much loved. Flowers and chocolates are usually appreciated gifts especially if they are given at random days of the year. He will also recognize that women value ROMANCE! He will try to be romantic often even if he is not well experienced in romantic things. He will try to dance with her during appropriate social gatherings, go for walks on a beach or in a park, and have the occasional candle-lit dinner. A gentleman will constantly find or study new things with which communicate love to his woman. He will treat her like royalty.
A gentleman will recognize that his happiness depends on his woman! She comes first! Happy wife, happy life. For men, women can be a bit difficult to understand BUT he does not need to fully understand her. He just simply needs to love her!
A gentleman is fiercely loyal to his girl/woman. He will not cheat on her for any reason. There is no level of temptation that would pull him away from her. He is loyal to the core! No matter what challenges happen in life he will always stay with her. He will love her with all his heart and soul!
A gentleman will respect proper communication with his wife/girlfriend. He will listen to her! Women appreciate a good listener and therefore he will value the things, opinions, and concerns she has to talk about.
A gentleman will also express verbal affirmation. This too is a love language. He will encourage and motivate his woman. He will speak kind words. He will express trust and confidence in her efforts. He will compliment her OFTEN. A gentleman will tell his woman that she is BEAUTIFUL, not “hot”. He will tell her often that she is attractive. He will do his best to calm any self-conscious attitudes.
A gentleman will always be glad to see his woman. He will smile often when he sees her. She is everything to him. She is his world and he will tell her this. Even during stressful moments in a relationship he will always hold her to calm her stress or fears. If she says or does something to upset him she will still be welcome in his arms. He will feel very blessed and thankful that she is in his life.
A gentleman always has good manners. While some men may choose to be a bit more rough around the edges especially if they are with guy friends he will always have good etiquette when he is with his woman. He will be appropriately groomed and have good hygiene. He will also be conscious of his own health.
A gentleman apologizes when he needs to. He needs to ask forgiveness if something went wrong and make amends as best he can.
A gentleman will never try to control his wife/girlfriend. He sees her as his equal but also as “his better half.” To control or suppress a woman is dishonorable. He will not see her as a possession but as a gift….his greatest gift.
A gentleman will never raise his voice at his wife/girlfriend. There is no need for this. He will control his anger. Disagreements and arguments will come and go but he needs to lead the relationship in a mature manner. A gentleman will try hard to never make his woman cry for he understands that God counts her tears and he will be responsible for each one of them.
In terms of intimacy, a gentleman will behave respectfully. (This is a touchy subject so I will try to be mature and respectable.) A gentleman will not talk about sex or sexual things on a date with a female. He understands that this can make her feel uncomfortable rather quickly. However, when a committed relationship has formed (preferably with marriage) a gentleman will pursue intimacy but in a way that is acceptable for his wife. With marriage his intimacy will now have true meaning. Without adherence to a moral standard it is very difficult to recognize true love. Otherwise, it is just lust. If he is now married the relations he has with his wife now constitute true love and true intimacy. He will be considerate of her needs and wants, not just his own. When affection turns passionate and hormones are flaring he will focus on her instead of himself. As much as he will want to satisfy his urges as quickly as possible he will instead focus on what pleases her. He will be passionate but still romantic and gentle. He will not push on her anything that will make her feel uncomfortable. A gentleman lover is never selfish in bed but rather selfless. He cares about his woman’s happiness and satisfaction. Again, he will make sure she is COMFORTABLE at all times. After intimacy he will express appreciation, admiration, and affection. A gentleman will always be affectionate and not just simple hugging, kissing, and cuddling. He will also give back and foot massages as long as his woman is comfortable with them.
A gentleman will be supportive and attracted to his wife while she is pregnant. He will be affectionate and fiercely loyal during these nine months. He will explain to his wife and that even though her body is changing he will still be very much attracted to her and has a strong male instinct to be very protective of her. He will hold her and her pregnant belly often as he will be happy and excited to be a father. He will prepare for coming baby which will include his work, his home, and his time.
A gentleman will gladly accept the responsibilities of child rearing. Raising children is stressful for both parents but a gentleman will step up to the plate and be a COMMITTED FATHER. He will be there for his children to offer help, guidance, and love. Just as he loves his wife he also loves and protects his children. He will spend time with them and help them learn and grow to become productive and honorable members of society. When the children are young he will come home from work everyday and try to be affectionate with his wife IN FRONT OF his children. He will want his children to see this affection. He will want them to see that Dad loves Mom and that Mom loves Dad. He will want his children to see with their own eyes that their mother is greatly loved and respected and that there is peace and harmony in the home.
A gentleman will take on the responsibilities of being the breadwinner. He will work hard for the woman he loves and for the home he lives in. He will be proactive and useful around the home. He will do chores (or honey do’s) not only because he should but also because his wife will find it attractive, even sexy. A gentleman will try to remove or reduce stress in his wife’s life.
A gentleman is reverent before God. He acknowledges God in his life and the source of his blessings, including his wife. He will take his wife to church and sit with her on one of the pews. He will place one hand on her far shoulder and the other one will clasp her hand and rest it in front of them. If they are Christian they will listen to the sermon/speeches together, sing hymns together, and pray together. Their marriage will be a Christ-centered marriage that places emphasis on Christian values and principals.